aries: Littlefinger marries Sansa off to Ramsay because he also likes to live dangerously
taurus: Loras Tyrell, The Gay Knight Who’s Gay. He has Sex. With Men. Because He’s Gay. He breathes homosexually
gemini: Jaime Lannister engaging in consensual rape lol amirite ladies
cancer: What the fuck even happened in the House of The Undying what hte fukc
leo: Yara Greyjoy running from some barking dogs and a shirtless Ramsay
virgo: *masturbatory, ableist original monologue about beetles which does nothing to further the storyline but takes up 5 minutes of screentime*
libra: The Sand Snakes. Like. All of them. And Ellaria. Actually, Dorne. Like, all of it. Where is Arianne
scorpio: Skeletons and fireballs at Bloodraven’s cave
sagittarius: Talisa
capricorn: Melisandre gets naked to solve a problem that can easily be solved with like, words
aquarius: LeBronn Jaime’s whacky dornish rescue mission
pisces: lol whos Tysha anyway
Steven: Future Vision… Wait, are you gonna be able to beat her on your own?
Garnet: It’s okay, Steven, I’m never alone.
Garnet [turning to Jasper]: and now… back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press. Jasper, what’s good?
Batman headcanon that had Batman not taken in each of his children, they would have all suffered miserable lives and early deaths due to not being in his care. For all that Bruce feels he ruined them, he can’t know he actually saved them by adopting/mentoring them.
Had Bruce not been at Haly’s circus, Dick Grayson would have been quickly spirited away from the Juvenile Detention Center by the Court of Owls leaving no trace. And, of course, no one really cared about a missing circus orphan. During the training with the Court, Dick was beaten and abused physically and emotionally even as he still suffered the trauma of his parents’ deaths. Never being allowed to grieve and being pushed so far against his nature eventually took it’s toll on Dick. One day, he just didn’t wake up as his body and spirit had been utterly broken. He was buried in a nameless grave and forgotten.
Had Jason Todd not been caught trying to steal the Batmobile’s tires, he would have remained on the streets. Already dangerously underweight, the boy would have struggled just to survive. He tried not to get involved in the gangs, which had gotten his father killed, but a kid had to eat after all. In the end while playing the lookout for a crime; Jason notices a woman walking. One of the goons attempts to shoot her but Jason pushes her out of the way and takes the shot instead. As he lays bleeding to death, he notices the Dark Knight arriving and taking out the robbers. The last thing he sees is Batman kneeling down beside him, quietly lamenting the wasted potential.
Tim Drake would grow up alone and lonely, his parents never there for him and never feeling any connection to people his own age. He folds in on himself, going to school and maintaining his impeccable grades but never seeing anybody. He still follows Batman’s exploits but doesn’t have the motivation to discover his identity. He suffers from depression as he begins to wonder if he’s any good at all. His parents finally notice their son’s dilemma so they invite him to come to an overseas business meeting with them. Had he been Robin, he would have been forced to decline. Instead he was on the plane that would crash and kill both himself and his mother and severely injure his father. Bruce Wayne sends flowers to the funeral but does not attend.
Cassandra Cain spends her life training as an assassin. She makes several attempts to escape her father’s influence but she has no one else to look up to so she’s continually pulled back in. As the years pass, she becomes more hardened and cruel. Yes, she has heard of the Batman but without a bright little bird by his side to soften him up, he seems just as bad as the rest of them. She pays him no mind as she silently seeks to become the world’s greatest assassin. During her training, she faces Lady Shiva and this time is properly killed by her without a chance of resurrection. Because without a Batman to guide her, Cassandra lives and dies just like any other assassin.
Stephanie Brown would have the same, decent childhood with her divorced father and mother. Shuffling back and forth between the two of them, she discovers that her dad is in fact the villainous Cluemaster and he’s plotting something dangerous. Suddenly on the run from her whole family, Stephanie tries to contact Batman for help but as there aren’t any Robins to serve as a conduit, she can’t reach him. In the end, her father outsmarts her and strangles her before she can get to the police. She is declared a runaway the next day and the police department never looks any further into the missing persons case as Stephanie had a history of running away. She was buried in an old quarry and her murder never brought to justice.
Damian Wayne was born to lead the League of Shadows and to destroy the Batman. He trained for years to fight and kill before being dropped off at Wayne Manor. Having no previous experience with children, Bruce and Damian fight constantly. Without Dick’s positive influence, Damian makes no efforts to redeem himself and continues to try and disrupt Batman’s operation. He murders some of Gotham’s worst criminals to spite Batman until he goes after the Joker. Not expecting the true mad genius of the clown, Damian is captured and brutally murdered unawares. It takes Bruce a while to track down Damian but can’t bring himself to feel much of anything as he carries his body away. It’s not like he was much of a son. It’s not like he was much of a father.
officiant: do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded wife